Funny Climbing Quotes

40 Best Funny Climbing Quotes

Out of the hundreds of climbing quotes out there, we have compiled the best funny climbing quotes in this article.

While deriving motivation from other climbers who have successfully climbed an incredibly difficult or more challenging route can be compelling, another significant motivation source is the plethora of funny climbing quotes from climbers all over the world.

After a successful ascent, every climber deserves a good laugh. If you need a good laugh, then this article is for you.

These funny climbing quotes were sourced from the millions of words remarkable climbers and notable personalities have uttered.

So, if you want to be motivated to continue climbing, despite the challenges, then these humorous quotes on climbing are for you.

The Best Funny Climbing Quotes

“There are only 3 real sports: bull-fighting, car racing and mountain climbing. All the others are mere games.”    

— Hemingway.

“I find that rock climbing is the finest, healthiest sport in the whole world. It is much healthier than most; look at baseball, where 10 000 sit on their ass to watch a handful of players”    

— John Salathé, 1974.

“You climb for the hell of it.”    

— Edmund Hillary.

“Writing about climbing is boring. I would rather go climbing.”    

— Chuck Pratt.

“I don’t want to write about climbing; I don’t want talk about it; I don’t want to photograph it; I don’t want to think about it; all I want to do is do it.”    

— Chuck Pratt.

“Leading something that is 50/50 is is not ‘my limit‘. It’s off route.”    

— Nathan Sweet.

“I love climbing because it feels so good when I stop…”    

— Karl ‘we’re all nuts’ Baba.

“Climbers seem to forget that we said in our introduction that there were simply ‘50 classic routes‘, not ‘the 50 classics’. We chose 50 from a list of about 120. Only a torturer will ever pry loose from our lips the names of those other 70 classics…”    

— Steve Roper.

“One method of getting loved ones to look more fondly on your climbing is to tell them that since you’ve started climbing you hardly do drugs anymore.”    

— David Harris.

“It’s all fun and oneness with nature until you realize you can’t have diarrhea and vomit at the same time without an extra bucket.”    

— Nate B.

“Fucking Layton Kor… God, I hate Cameron Burns. I wonder how much it would hurt if I just jumped? Why the hell would anyone climb this hunk of dirt anyway or anything for that matter-pointless? How long can you be dead and still be an organ donor ?”    

— Frank Stock’s thoughts while on the Kor Route on Monster Tower.

“Just a reminder — a guidebook is no substitute for skill, experience, judgment and lots of tension.”    

— Charlie Fowler.

“That was amazing! Five lead changes to climb 40 feet of rock! How can they say this route doesn’t look good? This was MORE than a route — this was an EXPERIENCE !”    

— Larry D.

“My definition of a desert tower is: ‘Anything big enough that I just can’t piss over it‘. I’ve climbed 50 of those so far.”

— Brad B.

“Climbing may be hard, but it’s easier than growing up.”    

— Ed Sklar.

“In France, a publicly accessible climbing area without bolted lines is viewed as a publicly accessible swimming pool with sharks in it.”    

— David Kastrup.

“In most parts of France, they climb ‘French Free‘. In Chamonix they climb ‘French Expensive‘.”    

— Tim.

“There is no difference between religion and politics. Both involve lies and fanatical beliefs that generally defy logic… Just like rock climbing.”    

— Dave Schuller.

“My mother used to rock me — and she used big rocks.”    

— Rodney Dangerfield.

“Climbing would be a great, truly wonderful thing if it weren’t for all that damn climbing.”    

— John Ohrenschall.

“Life is brought down to the basics: if you are warm, regular, healthy, not thirsty or hungry, then you are not on a mountain… Climbing at altitude is like hitting your head against a brick wall — it’s great when you stop.”    

— Chris Darwin.

“I suggest going out to the nearest pub and getting completely, and utterly, wasted. Make sure you smoke at least 1 pack of unfiltered Camels. Get the full ashtray, pour a drink in it and then pour the mixture into a water bottle.

When you get home (ideally around 3:30 am) stick the vile mixture into your freezer. Put on your best Goretex and thermal layer. Climb in. At 5:30 am, get out, drink (chew?) the mixture and go run the biggest flight of stairs you can find. Run until your heart threatens to explode.

Your dehydration caused by the alcohol should adequately simulate what you may experience at higher altitudes. Your lung capacity should be sufficiently impaired by the smoke to simulate an oxygen-poor environment.

The freezer episode should adequately replicate a bivy. Drinking the booze/butt mixture should simulate your lack of appetite…..
Oh — once you are finished your workout, go to work (to replicate the long walk out).”    

— Greg Hamilton suggesting an altitude training methodology.

“The best training was to go to the pub, drink 5 quarts of beer, and talk about climbing.”    

— Ron Fawcett.

“The distinguishing mark of true adventures, is that it is often no fun at all while they are actually happening.”    

— Kim Stanley Robinson.

“You can grunt and heave, sweat and strain, wear yourself out, and unless you simply forget about it and step up, you won’t even get off the ground.”    

— Mike Borghoff.

“There is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing.”    

— Sir Rannulph Fiennes.

“The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.”    

— Al Neuharth.

“How do you distinguish between being off-route and putting up a first ascent ?”    

— Bruce Bindner.

“I didn’t actually want coffee, but I poured myself a cup, just because the pot was there. I guess I’m a lot like George Mallory, who had a similar motivation for climbing Mount Everest.”    

— Chuck Bonner.

“The only way you can do something in the style of the FA is by climbing something new.”    

— Patrick.

“As a member of an escorted tour, you don’t even have to know the Matterhorn isn’t a tuba.”    

— Temple Fielding.

“I may not be able to pull on the smallest of holds, but those I can pull on I can pull on all day long.”    

— Jimmy Jewel.

“You can’t be here: it’s public land !”    

— A snowplow driver at the base of Lincoln Falls (Colorado).

“I climb as hard as anyone on earth. I just do it on easier routes.”    

— Mad Dog.

“I think you love rocks so much that they’ve replaced your brain.”    

— Rex Pieper.

“Getting out of this required a 5.11 Beached Whale move combined with a Bloody Scream, something they never teach in the gym.”    

— Lord Slime.

“Sure, some people pack more crap than others, but going dumb and naked isn’t what ‘Fast and light‘ is about either.”    

— Nate B.

“One day, Seb and I will do a route that isn’t a ‘50 chimneying classic‘.”    

— Martin Carpenter.

“The best climber in the world is the one who’s having the most fun.”    

— Alex Lowe.

“I’ve climbed with some of the best climbers in the world, more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the world. That’s another reason why I climb.”    

— Jim Wickwire.


We hope you have been inspired with our funny climbing quotes compilation.

Please let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.

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